Saying to a partner “I am not in love with you” is a body blow that may be difficult to survive, but communication is at the heart of relationships. The lack of empathy and support, coupled with the cost of their interests, creates a dynamic which further increases the frustration and sense of growing distance. Consider this example: whilst you are working in fear of work redundancy, your partner is caught up in football or clubbing. When a couple’s values start to diverge they can drift apart without even noticing. Something as simple as one of you returning to education or getting a promotion at work can mean that your interests and aspirations change. Two people can start out with joint hopes and dreams, but normal life can take them in different directions. But the heart of the matter is, they have lost that connection with their loved one. There are many reasons couples reach the stage of one concluding: I love you but I’m not in love with you. So, why might you feel like this? How can you tell if it’s possible to get that ‘spark’ back? Can you understand yourself and your partner and what has happened to that once great relationship? The good news is that the answer is yes. To complicate matters the “I’m not in love with you” is often followed by, “but I don’t want to hurt you”. You may even have fantasies of a new perfect relationship with someone else.
If you’re not talking and not having sex, you may feel empty, lost, and guilty. What does “I love you but I’m not in love with you”, mean? People say that the ‘spark’ has gone from their relationship “we don’t talk”, “sex is non-existent”, “I just don’t fancy them anymore”. “I love my partner but I am not in love with them” is one of the most common reasons people contact The Spark Counselling Helpline or seek relationship counselling.
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